Jersey Shore Through Howard Beach Eyes

After attending a baby shower at Lenny’s Clam Bar two Sundays ago I set out to find what the citizens of my beloved hometown, Howard Beach, thought of the hoopla and drama. Is “Jersey Shore” a bad representation of Italian-Americans and should we be offended?

Interview Anyone?
Most people I tried to talk to wouldn’t comment when I asked them about Jersey Shore. Generally, people here are weary of the media because press coverage in the past has colored the entire neighborhood as racist. So they don’t trust outsiders to understand them. But, uh, what the hell? I’m grew up on 85th Street! Rollerbladed up and down these streets in my teens, hung out at Smitty’s as soon as I got a fake ID and still come back for Sunday dinner. However, the Frye boots and the short hair cut gave me away as an escapee. Damn it! I should have worn my Uggs! You see, although I am technically an “insider” to Howard Beach by birth, I chose to not follow the pack in dress, lifestyle and vocation. So now I am outsider. But, does that by default make me less Italian?

The only person who agreed to be interviewed said in a huff: “That show is offensive to Italian Americans…and please, those people are not even real Italians.”

Pause. Thinking. Enlightenment.

They are not representing Italians – at all! In fact, MTV’s description on their website does not include the word “Italian” as a descriptor. Jersey Shore has nothing to do with Italians but everything to do with guido culture!

Origins of guido-hood
Two years ago I went on a discover-your-roots trip to Italy. I was a little worried that I would be overwhelmed by the machismo that I abhorred in Howard Beach growing up. What I found: there was no reason to worry! The only person I saw who resembled the hair-gel laden prototypes from NY was an angry passenger on a flight to Sicily whom everyone rolled their eyes at and tried to ignore. But, isn’t this the homeland? Isn’t it supposed to be crawling with evidence of the origins of Italia-NY-style? Apparently something has gone drastically wrong in America in the way Italian culture has been translated.

I read a cultural critic who said something that makes sense of this issue: the 1st generation of Italians tried to forget what the 2nd and 3rd generations try to reclaim. One day I observed this in comparing the mannerisms of three generations animatedly talking (or arguing?) Italian Americans in front of me. My grandfather moved his hands with a steady powerful grace. My father put a little more omph into gesturing. While my brother was a site to be mimicked on Saturday Night Live.

How did Italian-American culture devolve from lively hand gestures to fist pumping and crotch grabbing? My dad swears that “The Godfather” is to blame. To quote: “Before that movie 18th Avenue [Bensonhurst, Brooklyn] was Italian, then it became grease-ball.” Bingo! It stopped being Italian and it started to become something else. Guido, greaseball – whatever term you use it – the rise of mafia obsession marks the beginning of a new culture. Without many other non-mafia Italian media icons the second and third generation Italians were left clutching a plate of meatballs, watching The Trilogy on repeat and desperately searching for shards of identity.

After terms like “WOP” and “garlic eater” went out of style to mock Italians we were (and are) encouraged to assimilate into mainstream white America. However, most of us we grew up with a culture that makes us different. When I went to college I didn’t quite fit in because I was always having to explain why I refused to say “mani-cotti” rather than “mani-got”. My brother’s take: “Well, I’m not white.” I disagree but his comment reflects a feeling amongst Italians that we need to differentiate ourselves: if we don’t do something drastic we will simply fit into the masses. “The Godfather” and the like provide examples of strong people who created a community to power in asserting their identity. A logical role model.

Claiming your unique identity is not unfamiliar amongst American culture. A typical high school lunchroom is testament to the differentiation: punks in one corner, stoners in another…. Where I went to high school Italians were just another subset. My friend Ari said it best: “Being a guido is just like when I wore platform pumas and three pairs of ripped pantyhose to raves.” And just like the early punk culture is similar, yet signficantly different than what we see in Hot Topic, so to has guido culture started out as Sonny-imitators and turned into gold chain wearing shades of red, white and green.

One fact about Howard Beach that most fail to realize is that there is a large percentage of the population that is NOT Italian. And there is also a portion that does not ascribe to guido cultural norms. But, a lot do. And a lot of non-Italians do as well. That is because being a guido is a social group, like being a cheerleader. The trends and tastes (and rah-rah-eyyoohhs) are contagious. When you enter Howard Beach the guido cultural imperative is like a haze that infests that tiny neighborhood. And when I walk in obviously not ascribing to those norms people see me as an outsider, but that doesn’t make me less Italian, just not a guido. So, when UNICO and the like get all up in arms about how Italian’s look when poor Snookie gets punched in the face they are making a moot point – Jersey Shore does not represent Italians, but they tell you a hell of a lot about guidos.

Sometimes Being a Nerd is Enough…Challenge Wrap-Up

Last week I challenged myself (and you too) to narrow down the over-achieving list of goals to a work-able few. To get the plethora of goals out of my system I listed and listed and listed all the things that I would like to be doing with myself. I’m a dreamer so the list was long. Included are (in no order): do a backflip, own an apartment in Rome and never have to audition. Like I said I like to think big.

Fractured Atlas has some awesome online courses about getting shiz in order (one is aptly named “Getting Your Sh*$ Together”) When I started the first class I realized that the way this stuff is usually taught is by first figuring out why exactly you are doing what you are doing and who you are within that. Then you break down the vision into projects and goals and manage it that way. So I’m working. Blogging about it has put the pressure on to make sure that I got started, but I don’t think that I need to keep making weekly challenges, because once I get started on something I get a little obsessed. Don’t worry, I’ll share the goodies with you – resources and funny anecdotes as I continue being a geeknerd and crafting a strategic plan. Yes, I did just say that, but hey, I was upfront about being a nerd in the first place.

Getting It Together – Week 2

I’ll be posting the response to Week 1 challenge by Wednesday – so should you!

Since it is Monday, when I promised when I began the “Getting It Together” series to deliver my “homework”, I’ll give you the rundown of what I have been learning from my quest to come up with a smarter, more effective and fabulous plan of action.

Lesson #1: Because I am the kind of person to finish all three levels of Rosetta Stone and then systemized a 1,000 pack of vocabulary cards to test myself — yes, behind the smile and the wink I am a geek-a-zoid — I need to set a goal to NOT work. Its the only way I will give myself a break. And having time off is the only way that I will not burn out. My intention: Sundays are off-limits to any and all activities related to the business end of my craft. Also, I
will give myself one artist date per week (for a full description of what an “artist date” is read “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron).

An organization truly devoted to helping artists!

Lesson #2: There are lots of great FREE resources out there. My favorites:
* Rock Unemployment’s Melanie Orndorff interviews Dyana Valentine about creative branding through your pitch (found on both websites);
* Secrets of a Millionaire Mind - Yes, I know, self-help books can be lame, but this one is direct and makes a lot of good points about how we all limit ourselves by our perception of money, wealth and our capacity to get it;
* The Thriving Artist Circle interviews Performertrack.com folks about networking (found on both websites);
* Fractured Atlas offers online courses – I started one, because, the nerd in me loved classes and because it has been damn helpful and the content is thought-out, organized and informative.

Wednesday let’s check-in about this goal situation – narrowing it down to five at a time! I’ve have (almost) got mine!

Week 1 Challenge – You Down?

I'm resisting but I know that I must narrow it down!

Yesterday my friend Lissa, an entrepreneur behind the curtain of TheQueerist.com, called me. She read this blog and because she’s known me for a long time my waffling and indecision confused her. “What’s the problem?” I tried to explain: “I’m anxious about this ‘creating a plan thing’. Remember a year ago, the last time I had a business plan, when I got max five hours of sleep a night? Barely saw my friends and family? I can’t do that again.”

Before a year ago I regularly mapped out my goals but because Catholic education beat guilt into my bones I worked myself into the ground until I completed everything I set out to do. In my mind, not doing everything was akin to not doing homework, which at St. Helen’s was akin to sinning terribly. After going full speed for two years working seven days a week at least ten hours a day I burnt myself out, took a break and discovered Sundays. I was astonished at what I learned — people usually have one day off, sometimes two! Per week! It is this thing called the weekend! Novel!

From the burn-out point until now I have been lucky enough to go from project to project, which kept me busy enough to not acknowledge that I do not have a long-range plan. Now that I want to create a strategy that places projects and goals that are stewing in my brain in concrete order I am worried. Will I revert to the loner/masochistic/self-sacrificing life style? Lisa agreed that I should be cautious. Her eloquent warning: “You could kick the bucket tomorrow, so why put off enjoying your life?” Well said.

Last week I went to a seminar on creating a business plan for your artistic career with The Savvy Actor. Kevin, one of the presenters, mentioned that he makes a list of someday and maybe goals. The key, he said, is to only work on three to five goals at a time. That includes one life goal, one financial goal and two career goals. What?! Only 5!! But, I want….EVERYTHING! Kevin explained, we all want everything, but it is not efficient to work on more goals than you can handle. The rebellious part of my mind said: “Lauren, don’t listen to these lunatics, you know how to do everything and be efficient. Who needs sleep? You’ll see your friends and family…eventually.” The wise voice intervened: “Let’s be real — at the very least you should recognize that bags under your eyes are not cute.”

OK – only five goals. Er. OK. Breath. I can do this.

But, wait — I know that I am not the only one here who likes to do too much. Yes, I am calling YOU out….and challenging you. Because you can use it and its always more powerful to do this stuff in groups. This is the task: list all of your goals — someday, maybe and wild and lofty (I added that because dreaming is fun) — and then narrow it down to three to five. I will comment on this post with mine and you do for yours — I dare you!

Getting It Together – Week 1

This week I spent looking out for resources to help in my quest to come up with a better plan of action — more sophisticated and pointed than my usual. What I found is that there are a lot of opportunities for actors and artists to spend money (seminars, classes, workshops, more classes) and no clear answers about what works and how. How to go about being successful as an artist is kinda like theorizing about the creation of the universe – there are lots of theories but no one REALLY knows.

Two years ago I collaborated with coach Dyana Valentine — a true master of getting people to do what they say they want to do. One of my favorite things she said to me when I was hesitant to move forward, “What’s your problem?” My kinda language. What I took most from working with her was a faith that if I followed my gut instinct and created a strategy that is fun, effective and well-researched it will all work out. She gave me three words to sum it up: strength, courage and conviction.

Well, now that I reminded of myself of great advice what else do I need to make a better plan? Hm…I think maybe narrowing down specifics and nailing that down into steps — in a way that doesn’t create more stress. More on that later…

Collage It! Rundown and Next Steps

Last Saturday marked the inaugural workshop for “Collage It!” – an afternoon of putting words and images to ideas and goals. Leading others in the process and doing it myself made me feel proactive – like there is a path for me in 2010. In fact, as the afternoon wore on I became convinced that I was not as much of a lost cause as I had previously thought (see previous blog posts for more lurid details). Now that the dust of international travel, holidays and the demise of “Queens Girl” had settled I have had a second to think about what I want 2010 to bring me. And now it looks like the coming year will be busy. (Well, that’s the idea, anyway.)

Now that my goals for 2010 were put onto a page, all pretty, to remind me of my priorities, I’ve got to rustle up a plan, because pretty ain’t good enough to make things happen. Although I love all this New Age, visualizing collage business, I’ve got a practical side from growing up in Queens. “So whaaaa, you wanna be on TV? How the hell you gonna get THERE?” I’m good with making a plan, but I can do better. During the next few weeks I’ll be reading books, taking online seminars and talking to folks about how to make myself a proper business plan. Since I’m no longer in school I need someone whom I can be be accountable. So, my dear readers, I’m making you my homework checker. Every week – let’s say Monday – for four weeks I’ll report about the best and worst of what I’m learning. You’ll still get the stories and tidbits of bitter comedy throughout the week, don’t worry. But, for the next four Mondays I’ll share how I’m figuring out the best way to turn the pictures into a plan.

This one is my 2010!

Yay Jen!

Kelsy welcomes 2010!

Nicole’s gotta plan!

You’ll see her live soon!

Saying good bye to an old friend…

Many of you have come to see me perform my solo show “Queens Girl.” I have written about it on this blog, it has been written about in magazines and this fall I’ve rewritten the whole darn thing. Kamica said, “Why are you changing it? I like it.” So do a lot of people, but its current state does not match the caliber of show that I want to perform. Performing it around the world caused me to see where the holes are. To go on performing something I know is not as good as it needs to be is well…faking it. And you can’t fake something that takes up a large chunk of your time.

For the show to match my vision, a new-age version of “A Bronx Tale” and “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” appreciated by the mainstream masses, I need a new creative team. Now here lies my strength – gathering intelligent wonderful people together. Here also lies the sign. For six straight months I’ve done all my usual maneuvers and much much much more, but no dice. Nada. Niente. The team does not exist. When I came back from India I thought that the folks that I had down as potentials would come through. It seemed so hopeful before I left, but on my return there was no one to be found at the “Queens Girl” party.

Ru McClanahan said to me in a Q&A session during a book tour event: “I always knew that it was uphill all the way.” My experience during the past six months with “Queens Girl” doesn’t feel like an uphill battle, it feels like a hard row against a strong current that’s about to go over Niagara Falls. I’ve taken that feeling as a sign to get off the boat and let it sail over. Maybe I’ll see it again. Maybe not. There is no way to see. I’ve got to let it go.

Which gets me back to 2010 and my loss as to “the plan.” “Queens Girl” was my plan for spring and summer. Now there is a huge gaping hole in 2010 outlook. As I watch festival deadlines fly past me I’m staying calm in my resolution to not perform a piece that is not as fabulous as it deserves to be and shocked that I’m not freaking out more. This was my pet project after all, now it is finished having finding a life of its own. By letting it go I’m honoring its natural progression.

Without my show I am kinda like other actors – only auditioning for other people’s projects. I don’t feel as powerless in the process as I did before “Queens Girl” because I know that I have the capacity to create something wonderful. A few curators called and asked me to perform in their shows – the variety types. I think I’ll do them. Nothing fancy. For now I think that I’m going to simply stand on a stage and tell stories. Small little story arcs in the midst of the loss of a great dream.

by Sara Matt in Palombara, Italy

Flying solo

Er, does the piece fit?

My state of indecision for 2010 has not changed within the past week. Many hours of yoga and some reflection later I’ve still not come up with a plan for 2010. Nothing concrete. No clear wants.

I have rediscovered the glories (and endorphins) or dark chocolate. Especially when made into hot chocolate. A blessed substance.

Twice before when in a similar state of indecision I gave a genius tarot card reader a call. He knew his stuff and it actually helped, in the give-and-take accuracy and trust ratings I give those things. He put the cards on the table, so to speak, about what was going on and what could happen. Nothing I couldn’t figure out on my own, but a nice reminder. Last Monday at 10:30am I told myself that if within a week I could raise the funds to use his services again then I would call him. Today, Monday at around that same time no money was present, instead an audition which requires a dialect coach for the same amount. What the hell does that mean?

As I study my vowels with a Greek twist I am concentrating on one goal at a time. Hopefully the larger picture will show itself in the details. And who knows, maybe it will show itself in my collage workshop coming up on the 16th. Man, that would be awesome.

Plan for 2010?

Let's do this!

The new year is upon us and to you, my readers, I must be honest. After all, when someone starts a blog called “Swim, Float or Drown” they better be honest when they’re floundering. I spent this past weekend in a post-New Year fog trying to do anything and everything that could give me a clue about what should come next: tarot card reading, meeting with my goal group, yoga, phone calls to good friends. Today I saw my therapist. No progress. Some ideas, but no clear vision about what I want for the coming year.

I always have a plan. What the hell is wrong? Maybe it was the trip to India and finishing a project? Maybe it’s the end of a decade? Full moon? Eclipse? Or maybe heartburn from too many holiday meatballs? The only idea that I have for 2010 has been “do more yoga”, which seems a lot less like a plan and more like a resolution, which is really an empty promise made while drunk and abandoned by Valentine’s Day. And that’s lame.

Early this week my acting teacher asked me if I wrote down my plan for the next year and a yoga teacher asked the class if we know what we want our lives to be like in five years. Why must everyone be picking on me?! Um, my month-to-month goal program with a hand-to-mouth parallel strategy was working just fine! Putting my hand over my eyes and peering in between my fingers was exciting! Well, except now that this game plan has left me at a loss.

OK, here is a New Year’s resolution, with a practical expiration date so that I HAVE TO do it before Valentines Day. “2010 will be the year of putting both hands down and putting my face to the wind.”

And the expiration date is January 16th — with a workshop called “Collage It!”. In the past, when I’ve needed to wrap my mind around certain projects, goals, etc, what has helped is to make it visual by creating a collage. There is something about making collages that makes me feel at ease. Perhaps it reminds me of arts and crafts in kindergarten. It’s fun, entertaining, low pressure…and you get to get your fingers sticky.There is something about cutting out pictures and pasting them together that makes the future more tangible; and the future seems fun and easy when you can cut out and paste it.

So, join me for an afternoon making collages and figuring out direction for the coming year (and years). January 16th – I am leading a workshop called “Collage It!”. Jen Wanous, an up and coming Brooklyn chef (haven’t you heard?) will provide treats. We’ll eat cookies, collage and be merry. Space is extremely limited so email me at lauren.logiudice@gmail.com to reserve a space and/or get more info.

Well…how is it?

I am back in Bombay now and considering how I just sat in a total of three hours of traffic today I can say that not much has changed from three years ago.

Bombay is the site of a particular piece of my solo show, Queens Girl. And because while writing and performing it the sites and sounds have danced around in my imagination being in Bombay has been somewhat surreal. It is like visiting the site of your favorite film. While driving past the Taj, Marine Drive and other places in South Bombay — all which were where turning points in my life took place — my face is stuck to the window. “Oh, that is where THAT happened.”

Back for more!

Since this is where I decided to become an full-time actor, coming back to work on a film has been mind-blowing and surreal. Just a few years ago I remember sitting on a bus with my supervisor, telling her that I was not sure what to do with my life. My non-profit experience in India had thrown my a curve ball and I was not sure what to do, although I had this nagging urge to become a performer. A few years later I am staying at her place in Bombay having just wrapped a film in Gujarat. Crazy.

I am leaving Bombay tomorrow. Last night my friend Nakul and I went for a drive down Marine Drive for one last time. Through the pain and fever of a sinus infection that got worse throughout the night I marveled at how beautiful this city is in the quiet of night. Minimal traffic and little noise — just quiet road and beautiful architecture. The Queen’s Necklace stretched out before us in a sensual, captivating arch. I was sad because I am not sure when I am going to see it again. But as India, like any torrid love affair, is a place that I both love and hate with equal passion, although I may leave quite exhausted from the experience, I know that I can’t help but come back. Like when I left last time — I don’t know when or how, but India has still not seen the last from me.